today is a most melancholy of days

ever walk around with the blahs for no apparent reason? yesh i think we all must, its like at the core of the human experience, i think we might pop if we were happy all the time, or perhaps even worse, we wouldnt enjoy it. so i stand at a fork in the road, from this launch pad i could pretty much go anywhere in the world that i want to. artist, performer, teacher, producer, i could forseeably do it all, but im so stuck in the mud, like im moving in slow motion. i think i live the tragedy of the upper middle class life style where there is really nothing to worry about to so you start making shit up. of course there is always something to worry about in a universal sense, something that needs to be fixed, since we are such flawed and silly little animals thinly veiled by a rugged eloquence that keeps us guessed wether or not we have actually come all that far from the less advances species from which we split from not too many years ago. theres always something, hunger, welfare, terrorism. people are so ugly sometimes, and they try to smile to fake goodwill toward all, while cursing them with their eyes. everyone should seek counsiling, everyone should take feminist theory classes, everyone should learn the truths kept from us by our white washed text books, and most importantly turn on your muther fuckin brain and pay attention to people when they talk, even when you dont like what they have to say. ignorance is not bliss boys and girls and who ever keeps feeding you that line of shit is trying to manipulate you into a false sense of harmony with a people and an earth that we all too easily forget when given the choice between sedated comfort and the truth. I AM NOT A SATISFIED INDIVIDUAL! I am sad in my comfortably home because i dont know where you start making things better. i can only change myself and hope that i can lead by example. and dont make the mistake of thinking im preaching out to the unwashed masses while i stand on my cloud with my pearly white shoes and clean white robe, im right in the mix with all of you, just trying to figure out what in the fuck i can do to make a better tomorrow for my kids, for my family and for everyone who i dont know who is just as important in every way. we are a species with a shattered sense of community. and community, true community on a all encompasing level, will be our only salvation. period.